Between Summer Stars and Winter Dreams
For TC and Lazy Boy
Seven months and four days between heartbeats—
July thirteenth when TC slipped away
To February’s seventeenth when Lazy followed,
Each keeping faith with promises we made
To stars that watched our family fade:
Twelve cats and one dog strong,
Then eleven cats remained,
Now ten keep watch with Merlin,
our ah lian guard.
The universe has perfect timing,
Though my heart protests the speed—
Summer star and winter star
Rising too close together,
Twin holes punched through my universe
Like Dyson’s force through tender space,
Leaving vacuum-empty spots
Where two cats once curled in grace.
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Tonight, the others gather close,
Ten feline souls seeking to fill these gaps
With purrs and warmth and living love,
While Merlin stands her watchful guard—
Street-tough swagger hiding heart of gold,
Our wizard girl with tender soul beneath that pose.
But some spaces can’t be filled
By any number of warm bodies—
TC’s July-carved hollow,
Lazy’s February-fresh void,
Each absence its own kind of presence.
I bargained with the cosmic dance:
Fresh food, clean water, endless love,
In trade for swift departures when
Their batteries ran time’s course complete.
No lingering in twilight’s gray,
No suffering’s slow descent—
Just life lived full until the end,
Then quick as summer lightning flash
Or winter frost on window glass,
They slipped beyond our mortal count.
Seven months between teachings
Of how to bear love’s sudden flight,
How hearts expand past breaking points
To hold both joy and grief at once:
The warmth of cats still here with me,
The chill of spaces left behind,
The summer memory of TC,
Green-eyed Lazy’s winter goodbye.
The bed feels different tonight—
Larger somehow, though crowded still
With living love and breathing warmth.
Ten cats will do their best to heal
These twin-star holes in my heart’s sky,
While Merlin, tough yet secretly tender,
Keeps her loving vigil near,
And somewhere in heaven’s vast expanding dark,
Two cat-stars shine down on empty spots
That overflow with memory.
I keep my promises, as they kept theirs:
TC teaching first how swift love leaves,
Then Lazy following his path
Before grief’s first lessons could fade.
Seven months between star-risings,
Between sudden subtractions
That somehow multiply the love
Still coursing through this wounded space.
Let me sleep now in this strange arithmetic
Of loss and love, of gone and staying,
Of ten feline hearts beating close
Around these two star-hollowed spots.
Summer and winter, TC and Lazy,
Teaching how to count both ways:
Down through numbers, up through love,
Until all sums equal memory.
For this is what we bargained for:
The right to love completely, feed completely,
Shelter and cherish without reserve,
Then bear the lightning strike of loss
When batteries run their course too soon—
Seven months between teachings
Of how to hold both empty and full,
How to count both loss and blessing,
How to feel most deeply present
In the spaces where cats once purred.
For TC (13 July 2024) and Lazy Boy (17 February 2025)
From twelve cats to ten, each one precious,
While Merlin, our ah lian guardian with a wizard’s name,
Keeps her faithful watch, heart pure as gold.
